The friend zone

I hear a lot of guys complaining about being in a so called friend zone. What is that? Is that something where a woman you like wants to be just friends with you? Oh the horror!! How can a woman not want to be with someone who gets pisses off and butthurt when she doesn’t want to fuck him? Look pal vaginas don’t owe you shit. If all you say is “I’m a nice guy she should want to be with me!” Guess what you aren’t a nice guy. If her response is “I wish I could find a guy like you ” the translation is I wish I could find a guy like you without whatever psychological issue you have. But…but I am a nice guy you say, well you may want to have another look deep down inside. Are you also the guy who seethes ” all she goes out with are assholes…she could have all this instead”? Yeah here’s a newsflash most assholes don’t seem like assholes in the beginning. Again women don’t owe you shit. I know there are plenty of women who bitch about the friend zone as well…I’ll get to that in another post. What it comes down to is stop pining over a friend, cherish your friendship while you find someone. If that friend plays games with you then she’s not a friend either, tell that dirty bitch to kick rocks.

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Just.Fucking.Stop.

Seriously just fucking stop. If you don’t make any attempt to see me in months you get no say in my life. If you block me from Facebook and boo hoo that I was the one who did it….you have no say in my life. Anyone who wants to guilt trip me with saying you miss my children on a public forum; guess what they are only a plane ticket away I will gladly send them to you. People who said they would be there for me and “Take the kids once a month” then bounces out on that have no fucking right to say they miss my kids. Anyone who does not support my choice to give myself a better life can bow out now. People get upset when they have never had to pick up the broken pieces of their life..people get upset when they refuse to pick up the broken pieces and are faced with that harsh reality. Move the fuck forward.

Things to not say to a widow

  1. “He’s in a better place”  Honestly I can only go off the experience of losing a spouse to sudden death. How insulting to say that there is any better place than with the wife and kids he loved more than life itself.
  2. “This is all a part of God’s plan” For one I can guarantee that the God you believe in and the one I believe in are vastly different. This statement is infuriating when someone utters it to you. When this happens I can assure you the person on the receiving end doesn’t care about any of God’s plans, they had enough of their own that didn’t come to fruition.
  3. “Everything happens for a reason” Along the lines of above.  Yeah most the time that reason is just life is absolute shit.  I will scissor kick you in the head.
  4. “He would have wanted you to be happy” No shit. However saying this shortly after someone has died makes it come across more as a command.
  5. “Let me know if you need anything” Seriously I know this one is well intentioned and most people do mean it. Most people are not going to reach out for help though, the better thing to do would be for you to reach out to the widow. Call, stop over, take the kids.  Also night time it the loneliest time.
  6. ” I know how you feel, my husband travels for work so much” Scissor kick to the head.
  7. “I couldn’t handle something like this” Yeah I thought that as well

Not all of these experiences are mine.  Some of these things have been said to others.  The fact remains the same though, death is shitty and when it comes down to it nobody really knows what to do.

And so it is….

February 16, 2016 is the day I suddenly, horribly, and unexpectedly lost my husband.  We were moving from Iowa to Arizona.  The day started in Texas we had a flat tire. I thought that would be the worst thing that would happen.  We had gotten or tire fixed and made our way to New Mexico. We were going to spend two days there and go to Roswell as a side trip. We got settled into our hotel room went to grab a few things from the store and then we took the kids to Dairy Queen.  Oh that was a good time.  There was a beautiful sunset and my husband thanked God for it. We get back to the hotel and the kids of course wanted to go swimming. I was tired so my husband Kirk told me he could just take them by himself.  I took a shower called my mom when there was a knock on the door.  I looked out the peephole and saw the front desk attendant standing with my kids.  At that moment my blood ran cold. The next words would forever change my life “We think your husband drowned.” Which started a blur of commotion.  The police officer asking what his name was.  The EMT’s racing in and out.  I asked the officer if he had a pulse, the response was “They are doing everything they can lets not worry about that right now.” At that moment I knew  although I still  had a tiny bit of hope.  I saw them wheel his lifeless body out on the gurney.  When I got to the hospital I knew as soon as I saw the look on the doctor’s face I knew.  I felt so cold and all I could say was “I don’t know what to do now.” My sisters made a flying trip to New Mexico to be with me.  One sister watched the kids the other sprung into action completing all the paper work for me.

And now I still have the phrase in my head “I don’t know what to do now.”